


Tel-tor K' Me

by agenerd



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bonding, F/F, Fem!Kirk, Fem!Spock, Fem!spirk, Female James T. Kirk, Female Spock, Femslash, First Kiss, Getting Together, Idiots in Love, Pon Farr, Rule 63, Space Husbands, Space Wives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-23
Updated: 2017-09-23
Packaged: 2019-01-04 15:14:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12171423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agenerd/pseuds/agenerd
Summary: Spock’s shaking.She knows what this is.She wishes that she did not.---Spock realizes she is going through her first Ponn Far. She is betrothed to Stonn but cannot be with him, and Jem finds a way to make everyone happy.





	Tel-tor K' Me

**Author's Note:**

> heeyyy uh so they're lesbians bc im gay annnnd other than that this isn't original whatsoever. i don't own these characters or star trek, blah blah bah. also i suck at summaries, sorry.  
> good luck

Spock’s shaking. 

She knows what this is. 

She wishes, as illogical as that is, that she did not. She wishes that she was ignorant of this, that she could be spared this one hardship. 

She has begged her whole life to not face this. She prayed, even though she did not know whom to, and this, in and of itself, went against Surak, against Vulcan. 

She is a failure to the one half of herself that she has devoted her existence to.

In that light, maybe she does not deserve to be spared.  
___

She requests five days of leave and ship detour to Vulcan. 

She cannot bring herself to send the Captain the required forms for her termination of duty because she knows she cannot be as impersonal as that. Kirk will demand to see her, demand to know what is happening. Spock is unsure what to tell her.

She glances around the room, searching, when her eyes fall onto her mat. Though it will help her little, she kneels for meditation. She can admit to herself that she needs some small semblance of normalcy. 

This is her last day on this ship, and she wants to feel the Enterprise humming around her for one final time.  
___

It does not take long for Kirk to find her.

The door buzzes, and Spock grounds herself before inviting Kirk in. She has made her decision. 

After all, what is more logical than the truth?

She stands, back ramrod straight, hands clasped behind her. “Enter.” 

“Hey, Spock, I know I’m cutting to the chase here, but I saw you requested time off.” Jem pauses. “I’m not telling you that you can’t have it. I mean, you’re the hardest worker on this ship, and if anyone deserves leave, it’s you. It’s just,” she inhales and restarts, “it’s just that you’ve never once requested days off before. Not once, and we’ve been on this ship for four years, through thick and thin, and even after some of the most scarring, disastrous missions, you never once asked me.” Kirk shifts from one leg to the other. “Is something wrong? I won’t force it out of you, but we’re friends. I care about your well being, and I worry when you-”

“Jem, I am going to Vulcan,” Spock interrupts. She forces the next part out. “I will not be coming back. I respectfully resign my commission as your First Officer and as your Chief Science Officer.” Spock cannot look at her. 

She feels more than sees Jem’s face fall. “What?”

“This is most likely not what you were expecting, as evidenced by the sudden pallor of your-Captain? Jem, are you alright? Do you need to sit down?” 

Kirk was red-faced. 

“Spock? What the hell? What in the-what? What? Where in the world is this coming from? You-I know you see the Enterprise as your home, maybe more even than Vulcan. What’s-what’s going on? Illness in the family? Are your parents-” 

“Provided we use a loose definition of the term, I am sick, Captain,” She says.

Jem calms marginally, only to replace lost anger with worry. “What’s wrong? Are you going to be alright?” 

“Provided I return to Vulcan within the week, I will recover.” 

“You still haven’t answered my first question: what’s wrong with you, Spock?

“It is not something that is shared with out-worlders, save the few who have been involved. Vulcans hardly speak of it themselves. It is a deeply personal thing. Can you see that, Captain, and understand?” 

“Spock, I’m closer to you than anyone on this ship, so, please, tell me. Maybe I can help, or maybe Bones could?” She says. “Maybe, then, you won’t have to leave.”

She sighs. She knew she would tell Jem, but that does not mean she looks forward to it. “If I do not return to Vulcan within the week, I will die.”

“Spock-?”

“It has to do with biology.”

“What?”

“Biology.”

Kirk pauses. “What kind of biology?”

“Vulcan biology.”

“You mean the biology of Vulcans? Biology as in,” she squints, “reproduction?” 

Spock nods. 

“But how will that kill you? I mean, that stuff happens to the best of us. I, even-”

Spock’s lips press together. “Kirk, you do not understand, but I did not expect you to. Vulcans cycle differently than humans. Once every seven years, we are overcome with a biological urge to find a mate, stripped of our logic and dignity.” 

“But Spock, why can’t you just, you know, take care of it here?” 

She raises her eyebrow in confusion.

Jem blushes. “You could, you know. Find someone for-find someone to-well, you know. On ship. A, uh, one-and-done, if you will.”

She wishes it were that easy.

“Captain, have you ever wondered how Vulcans choose their mates?” 

Kirk shakes her head slowly, but there was . . . something else in her eyes. Something to consider later, when Spock’s blood was not beginning to burn. 

“They are chosen for us from a young age. We are linked at seven Terran years old to ensure mental compatibility because without that, the act of mating is useless to quench the fires of Pon Farr,” She pauses, letting Kirk absorb what she has said. Her eyes shift downward. “I have a betrothed on Vulcan named Stonn. He and I are to bond as soon as possible.” 

“You're engaged?” 

Spock narrowed her eyes at Kirk. “I shared with you a secret of my culture, and that is your first question?” 

“I, yeah, you're, um, right. Yes. Sorry.” 

An uncomfortable silence follows. 

Jem shifts her feet again, a nervous tic, and Spock regrets what she must do. 

“So you understand that I need to leave to Vulcan, correct?” 

“I,” Kirk considers, “no, honestly, I don't. I mean, I understand that you need to bond to live, but leaving the Enterprise?” She steps forward, closer than Spock can handle in her state. “Spock, this is your home, and you don't have to leave it if that isn't what you want to do. I'm sure we could find you someone aboard mentally compatible enough if we-”

She wishes, wishes, wishes, all of them the height of illogic. She steps back. “My wants are not a factor in this, Jem. I must go.”

“Why?” 

In lieu of an answer, she lowers her head. 

“Do you even love him? Hell, do you even know him?” 

She does not respond. 

She remembers when they were betrothed, remembers the distaste Stonn’s mind contained where it touched hers. Remembers wanting a bond as deep as her parents had. Remembers giving that up. 

If who she loved determined her bond, she would only need to travel 0.7 meters to find her choice. 

“Love is irrelevant. My responsibility is to my house, to my family. T’Pau chose me for him when I was seven, and I will not dishonor my clan in denying that.” 

Kirk’s expression turns to horror. “Wait, wait, wait, Spock, oh my God, this isn't the Middle Ages! I sincerely doubt your parents can say anything, considering they weren't arranged. You don't have to auction yourself off to the most ‘beneficial’ husband. That's disgusting. Everyone deserves to find love, you more than anyone I've ever met.” 

Spock can not look at her. 

Jem steps closer again and grasps her arm, desperation clear on her face. “You deserve someone who would give you the stars. Who would love you and who you would love equally. Who would cherish your unique human and Vulcan self.” 

Spock stills at her touch, relishing in it. 

She dares to meet her eyes then. 

“And who, exactly, would be willing to do that, Jem? Who would agree to bond to me for the rest of her life? Nearly no Vulcan considers me acceptable as a mate, and humans find the concept too intrusive. I have less than a week, and no other options readily available than those on the Enterprise or on Vulcan. Do not tease me with thoughts of being cherished.” She shrugs out of the captain’s grip. 

“Wait. Her?” 

“What?”

“You said ‘her.’ You said, ‘who would agree to bond with me for the rest of _her_ life?’”

Spock pauses. “It appears as though I did.”

She sighs. “Spock, do you even like men?” 

Jem gives her a moment to answer, but she only lowers her head. 

“Oh God, please tell me you are not about to sign your life away to be with someone who you not only don’t love, but who you can’t love. Please tell me that isn’t what you’re doing.” 

“My requests still stand. Goodnight, Captain.” 

“No. No, that isn’t what’s happening. You aren’t just going to tell me you feel forced to marry a dude as a lesbian and expect me to send you off with good wishes. Fuck that. Fuck, fuck all of this.”

Kirk thinks for a moment. Spock sees her mouth move, and her Vulcan ears can only catch a whisper. 

“Jem?” 

She holds out her first two digits towards Spock. “Me.” 

Her fingers itch to join Kirk’s, but that is the fever speaking. She must focus. “What?”

“It could be me. You could bond with me.” 

It takes a moment for Spock to understand, and when she does, “No.”

“What? Why not?” 

“You do not know what you are offering.”

She scoffs. “Oh, I think I do.”

Spock shakes her head, “You do not.”

“Okay, well, let me guess,” Jem says, crossing her arms, “You think that I’m offering this as some sort of noble self-sacrifice so that I can keep my first officer. Maybe that I’m doing this because I don’t want to lose a friend. That I don’t want this at all.” 

Spock stays silent. 

“I’m also guessing bonding is for life, and I’m guessing that it has something to do with your telepathy, from seeing your parents interact. So we’re gonna be tied together mentally, like a normal meld but permanent.” 

Spock swallows, not knowing what to say. 

Jem’s eyes are cold and hard as she stares at Spock. “Was I close?” 

“That is not . . . an inaccurate assessment,” she admits.

Jem tenses up. “Yeah, I figured. God, Spock. God. How can you not know?”

“Know what?” She feels her heart flutter in her side.

Kirk laughs, a little sadly. “Spock, I know we’ve only known each other for a few years, but looking at you, I see the rest of my life.” 

She tilts her head, not understanding. “Jem?” 

“Even after Starfleet, even after God knows what, you’re there. I can’t picture my future without you in it.” Jem insists. “Please, Spock, I know this is coming out of nowhere, but I care about you. I want this.”

Spock stands, wordless. She does not hope.

“Captain, what exactly are you offering?”

“I could-” Jem starts to say, then stops herself. Spock stares questioningly at her, arching an eyebrow at the flush creeping up Jem’s cheeks.

“Jem?”

“I could bond with you. The rest of our life, us. Whatever that means.”

Spock’s heart stops. There is nothing she wants more. “I,” she cannot take this, “I still have an obligation to Stonn. This is as fatal for him as it is for me.”

“Is there no one he could find on Vulcan?”

Spock thinks. She remembers a girl from their childhood, T’Pring. Remembers the natural closeness of her and Stonn, remembers walking in on a secret meld they shared, feeling betrayed without knowing why. 

“There may be one,” she settles on.

Jem exhales with relief. “Then we’ll call Sarek, and he can straighten it out.”

There is no one she wants to speak to less right now, and it must show on her face, because Kirk smiles. “Okay, then I guess I’ll call him. You wait here.” 

She walks over to the communicator and pulls up the calling application, making sure to aim the camera away from Spock. It takes only a minute to connect, and Spock can hear her father over the line.

Spock forces herself to not listen. She counts the seconds until the call ends, not knowing what she should be doing, if anything. Jem hangs up, and she stands straighter. 

Kirk smiles at her, softly approaching. She must see Spock’s panic, because she slows down. “Sarek’s gonna take care of it.”

Spock nods.

She comes closer. 

“And now we have to take care of this.”

Jem holds out her hand, waiting for . . . Spock does not know. 

“Is this okay?” She asks, voice soft and hopeful. 

Spock does not know what, exactly, she is referring to. Whatever it is, Spock can do nothing but agree. “Yes. Anything.” 

She gently takes Spock’s hand, unfurling her fist where only her index and middle digits open out. Kirk copies the gesture with her free hand and brings her fingers to hers. Spock gasps. 

Earlier, Spock did not understand how Kirk could see her life in Spock, but now she does. She sees hers in Jem’s smile.

Her lips turn up at the corners.

She kisses her the human way.

This is the start of a new life for both of them. She can’t wait.


End file.
